Saturday, December 11, 2004

Tired & Grateful

I'm tired.

I'm sitting here at my desk (where I've been for the last 18 hours) getting ready to finally go to bed. I've been working through this proposal book for my thesis (which is basically everything that I've done all semester compiled into a book) and it's due on Tuesday. I've been getting little sleep (going to bed at 2:00, getting up at 6:00 for seminary), am overloaded at work, and have to skip class to be able to have time to do anything on this book. At times I feel like I'm getting stupider and stupider (at times I think I have Alzheimer's disease, my mind just goes blank), I forgot my mom's (and sister's) birthdays, and I increasingly have issues with the owner of the company I work for. My wife hates her job and her daily 3-hour commute. I can't even sit down with my wife to enjoy dinner together because I have to get this thing done. I'm not even thinking about Christmas, not until Tuesday night. Frankly, I'm not even thinking about anything that's not my thesis. All of this while we are renovating our kitchen (which means everything is out in our front room of our tiny New York City apartment and driving us mad).

Yet, I can't help but be grateful. I mean, every trial that I mentioned is just a result of a choice that I and/or my wife made in the past. I chose to go to grad school, I chose to renovate in our small apartment, my wife chose to work at a crappy job that makes pretty good money, I chose to accept the calling as seminary teacher, I chose to work for the company that I do, and I chose to put off this stupid project till the last week. All of those things are good things. I'm not too happy about the getting stupider part and I feel really bad about forgetting birthdays, but the for the most part, life is good. I can only be grateful for the blessings the Lord has given us.

Okay, time for a few hours of sleep.